Today is Friday! This is the day when most people I know head out on the town with all of their best looking friends and drink it up all night. In other words, "Party Like a Rock Star." Then, the typical Monday is, " Man, I really drank too much, Bro!"
In my world, I come home, cook and check my email when I remember. I am really bad at that. I must have several different sites that I've placed myself on. All this mind you, in a desperate attempt to get my writing out into the virtual world. However, this failed dramatically due to the fact that I would forget which site I had what on. It became more of a headache than an effort. So, then I came across an idea for a blog. My Space has taken the nation under its armpit like a master plague. I too, have been engulfed by its wretched sweaty armpit stench. However, I find that most people are making desperate attempts to Stardom. I am not one of those, "Look at what I can do," types. I love to be silly and ACT because I enjoy acting. I write because it is in my blood to write. So, I do visit My Space occasionally, but it is mostly to keep up with friends that I actually have been acquainted with in my lifetime.
I just want to write. It would be nice to publish a screenplay, book, or play write. Actually, that would be phenomenal, but it is not my soul purpose for writing. I write, journal, diary, etc. because it is a part of who I am. I must write because if I do not write, I am dying inside. A part of me will shrivel up like a dried raisin and die!
Moving along. I have started my therapy sessions. Yes. I am seeing a therapist and you know what? It is the best thing since Peanut Butter and Jelly, Macaroni & Cheese, or whatever you desire. I think that we as humans try so hard to be accepted. We negate events, emotions, and feelings out of shame. We have been trained to think that "Problems" are BAD or something to be ashamed of. I don't care who anyone is. Everyone has problems, and to me that is perfectly NORMAL! There is nothing to be ashamed of. I am not saying broadcast your personal issues on the web...or anywhere for that matter. Instead, learn how to accept them for what they are .Try to dissect yourself to pinpoint triggers or emotions. This is how you learn about your being and how you can help yourself to become better. This is where the realization sets in and healing can begin for change to occur. I am learning to embrace who I am without the judgment of the world. It is not an easy battle, but it is one that is worth fighting for.
My first session was great. I was so comfortable, yet not unguarded. I noticed that I kept moving and my arms or legs were crossed almost the entire session. I know that I was doing this to protect myself. I was standing guard, yet I was able to talk to the therapist relatively openly. After the session ended, I felt like I had shed a million tons of weight off of my body. To think that I haven't even come remotely close to touching the most outer tip of my issues. I think everyone should be talking to someone. However, it should be someone who is extremely non-biased and has a sincere desire to want to help. I have seen therapist before and a lot of them are in a hurry to get you out the door, or you feel as though they don't want to hear what you really have to say. You know the Therapist that wants to tell you how things occur. The manipulative ones that try to insert ways or thoughts into your head that are not necessarily your own. That irritates me. If I am going to talk about intense feelings, events, and/or emotions I experience, even if I have to pay for that person to listen, I better leave feeling that they listened and are trying to help me understand myself. I don't want to leave feeling that someone else's views or perspective of what I spoke about are being implemented onto me.
I haven't taken any Zanax in a few weeks and I am just fine. I have opened my mind up to taking the Zoloft that was prescribed. I am not in the boat entirely on that situation, but I am taking steps towards the ship. I have my shoes and socks off, pants rolled up above my knees and I am on my way. I can see the ship in the distance, but my steps bring it closer in sight.
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