Magic Pills

Let me update on my current condition. I am still suffering through my anxiety and Panic attacks! I would much rather call them Body Deceit. It is exactly that. My body decides to play games with me. It says, "Since you are not dealing with all of the horrible and bad feelings in your life, I am going to force you to feel ALIEN to your body!" "HA!"

Then out of nowhere I feel completely out of control of my Body. It is like this really freakish game that your body and mind play. It is almost like a tug of war of emotions.

So, I was prescribed Zanax, which for a few weeks became my refuge to sanity again. It helped me stay calm, and relaxed. I could even sleep through the night. The only major side effects I would have was a chest tightness and this really annoying dry cough. It was just about as annoying as Sarah Jessica Parker's character in that movie, The Family Stone. Those of you who have seen it know that annoying throat clearing thing she did throughout the movie. Well, that was me.

I became completely numb, if you will. I have friends who said to take it, if it helps. Then, I have others who said, you don't need them. For some strange reason I was able to convince myself that taking the zanax was making me worse than when I had never taken it before. So, I cut my dosage down and psyched myself into believing that I could sleep and function just fine without the zanax. I was able to tell myself that I am strong, and can get over these issues without the help of pills. That is where I am now. I am mentally encouraging my mind to be strong, my will to stay strong, and my emotions to be under control.

Maybe it was all of the crap that I have dealt with sneaking up on me. These hidden past emotions forcing their way into my veins. Resurfacing the ugly memories that I've hid so well. At least, I thought I hid.

So, now I am praying more, relaxing more, and exercising more. I have been reading more about how to cope with anxiety and panic naturally. Also, I have started to read the book, The Power of Now. I continue, my battle with anxiety and Panic, my journey into my soul , and the conquering of my inner demons.